Testosterone Ahoy!

Once again I'm writing in this blog, because now, a year and some change after starting it, I'll be starting the magic testosterone in less than a week, and it makes sense to write about my experience with it, for the purposes of mewling self-indulgently and sharing this strange and fabulous experience with others. And to procrastinate a bit.

I'm in the mode of shopping for needles, as this stuff is injectable. I believe I want to shoot butt as opposed to thigh, as I won't have to look as directly, so maybe 1.5'' would be better, though honestly I don't have much of a butt and 1'' would probably be sufficient and less frightening. I'm thinking 23 gauge, since from what I read 25 is too thin and takes forever to squeeze and 21 is too much like stabbing yourself with a steel twizzler. We'll see how it goes. I feel faint just writing on the subject. Hopefully after taking T for a while I will at least metaphorically grow a pair.

I had a fine time at the pharmacy. The pharmacist, who probably would be played by Toby Maguire in the Hollywood film version of my life (though he didn't really look anything like Toby Maguire, and if I had any control over casting would be played by some hipster-ish sandy-haired unknown with thick smoke gray frames and the dreamiest take I've ever seen on the Safeway Pharmacy uniform of a blue dress shirt and maroon v-neck), gave me an inexplicable and incredibly kind discount on my T when I went in. My co-worker Sal suspects that he was "family," though he could have just been pure magic.

In other trans news my counselor, who is totally rad and named Jordan Shin, gave me a copy of Jan Morris' Conundrum, an account of the author's life and transition as an MtF in the 70's. It's pretty hilarious in its earnest wonder at the whole process, and in a weird way fulfills the my love of 20th Century Oxford Queer Lit (Brideshead Revisited et. al.) At the same time, it is fairly dated, especially in Morris' well-meaning upper class British condescending racism, for which there is ample opportunity, considering her career as a travel writer. Oh well.

More than anything, I'm fucking psyched. Though I'm sure my own gender identity will remain pretty queer and mixed, I'm thrilled to be intelligibly masculine.

Also, thanks to people who have sent me checks recently, both for my birthday and for trans crap specifically. Nothing like good old fashioned monetary support.