"IUD, SIS, stay in school, cuz it's the best"

Sorry to be remiss about blogging. There have been all sorts of happenings and distractions that needn't be aired in as silly a blog as this.

I've had a few humorous passing/not anecdotes in the past couple weeks, but they're mostly slipping my mind at the moment. I got "Hello sir...ma'am?" on the phone at work, which I ignored.

There's been a whole bonanza (I really wanted to write "banana") of furor, at least by my Emily Dickinsonish standards, about the whole Pegasissy at OUT/LOUD thing. I can't say it's not strange having pictures of my face all over town, or having a stranger tell me how great I am when I'm standing in line for a hot dog at the fashion show (which did happen.)

These times are strange times, and I'd like to place at least some of the strangeness on hormones. I recently acquired an IUD, which I've started calling a DUI in front of acquaintances with whom I'm not in the mood to discuss my uterus. As in, "I got a DUI last Monday and I felt like garbage for the next two days, and I still feel a little shaken about it." Which I do.

After a relatively pleasant seven months of being able to forget entirely that I'm in possession of a uterus, I was reminded quite solidly of it last week. So there's that dysphoria, and the strange misplaced instinctual sadness at being rendered physically incapable (if temporarily) of making a baby--not that I want one in the least, but even when you're hitting snooze on your biological clock it still wakes you up before you drift back to sleep--plus the perennial, lonely "Why am I going through all of this when I'm only sharing my bed with the cat and a pile of books?" Of course, there are good reasons. Though the Mirena has low levels of levornorgestrel (=ladymones) and on the one hand sounds counter-intuitive for my purposes, it wards off endometriosis and certain types of cancer, and doubly ensures that I don't bleed, and generally keeps my baby bag not seen and not heard. Even if I'm not putting it to the test at the moment, it lasts for 5-7 years, and I'd rather know I'm all set in the not accidentally getting knocked up department than have to wait a month to set another appointment once anything does come up.

But it's still jarring to have to think about these things, and to have that tiny extra boost of lady hormones in my system. I've been doing that thing I hate where I have really strong, devastating emotions that I know aren't especially useful or reasonable, but there's nothing I can do to make them disperse in a timely way. But perhaps this is less about being a trans man and more about being a human being. Let me quote Blink-182 when I say, "Well I guess this is growing up."

I know this is getting long, but I need to do a little meta-blogging: I'd like to address how personal this blog can be, and justify it a bit. The reason I'm doing this, besides to amuse my friends and bolster my cult of personality, is to rep and describe my trans experience, or rather a trans experience. We all know that there's a disproportionate number of images like this and this of trans people, and not enough like this. Even kind understanding open types who want to see trans people as something not strange and off-putting may not know where to turn. I don't like to spend every moment Being a Transsexual, and this blog is a way to do my part in educating the masses in a pleasantly compartmentalized way. Which is another reason for the over-sharing. By describing my shots and my uterus and my physical changes and hormonal roller coaster in depth, I'm hoping that the curious details of transitioning will all become common (at least within this small readership) knowledge, and you, dear reader, won't be tempted to ask an unsuspecting trans person how big their clitoris is, or how long they've felt this way, or whether they like to be penetrated, next time you meet such a person at a dinner party. Because, frankly, unless you would feel comfortable having similar questions asked of you, you probably shouldn't be tossing them around. Just throwing that out there.